My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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