HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
