Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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