i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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