Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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