so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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