you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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