now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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