I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
