come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
