just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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