I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
