kristin has been a bad kristin
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
