I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
