dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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