yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
