I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
