I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize