please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
