how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
