Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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