you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
