I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
