Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
