this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
