god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize