look no pants
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
