ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
