Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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