I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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