Pants 0. Shit 1.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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