I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
