are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize