those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
