If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
