wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
