its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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