trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
