Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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