it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
