She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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