My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
