I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
