she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
