She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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