i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i came on her dog
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
