i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
