I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
