The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
