You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
