So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
