my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
