Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
