its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
