how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
