She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
