she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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