Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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