I cannot find my penis.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
