i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
