i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize