We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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