Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
