No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
