Banned from zoo.
Again?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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