update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
