The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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