Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
