she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
