Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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