the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
